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It’s okay to speak softly (big stick optional), according to
Susan Cain, author of the bestselling book “Quiet: The Power of
Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.” Cain, a former
attorney and self-proclaimed introvert, has written about the
psychology of introversion for a variety of publications
including the New York Times and Bloomberg Businessweek. Her
TED talk this past February argued that introverts (the
naturally quiet and reserved) have unique gifts to share with
the largely extroverted world around them. “Quiet” highlights
the differences between introverts and extroverts who, Cain
says, have become idealized and even preferred in American
culture. We spoke to Cain about her book and the quiet
renaissance of introverts. Turns out introverts have much to
offer, like their creativity and insight, even if they aren’t
always shouting it from the rooftops.
Q&A WITH SUSAN CAIN
What is the value of thinking about where a person falls on the
introversion-extroversion scale?
The most important value is probably the self-awareness that
you are the way you are and it’s okay to be the way you are.
You can start organizing your life in ways that suit your
temperament instead of what many introverts do, which is try to
act like extroverts without even realizing that that’s what
they’re doing. I often ask people: How would you truly spend
your time if you really could spend your time exactly as you
please? [Many people] would go to far fewer parties; they would
go to far fewer meetings; they would schedule more walks alone
by themselves. But I think we tend not to give ourselves the
permission to do those things because there’s a sense that
we’re supposed to be out there all the time.
Is there any danger in applying the labels “introvert” and
“extrovert?” Could they become too limiting in terms of what
people think they can do?
First of all, there’s no such thing as a total introvert or a
total extrovert. We all can and should step outside our natural
tendencies in the service of things that we love. I don’t think
it’s a question of what you’re capable of; I think it’s more a
question of what your preferences are. Many introverts are
great public speakers, they’re great leaders, they’re great
communicators, but they still have a need and a desire to spend
more of their time in quieter ways. And that’s a piece of
themselves that they need to honor.
I liked your discussion about how collaboration might not be
the route to productivity for everyone. How do you think
companies can arrange their workplaces to suit everybody’s
different needs?
In terms of workplace design, there need to be different kinds
of spaces: nooks and crannies for privacy, and then shared
spaces where people can actually exchange ideas and
collaborate. When it comes to creative processes or problem-
solving, I think for introverts and extroverts alike the best
process is a hybrid where you go off by yourself first just to
think and then you come together as a group.
Do you think that romantic relationships between introverts and
extroverts can work?
Absolutely they can work. The positive side of introvert-
extrovert relationships is that you’re kind of yin and yang.
There’s a sense that each person has what the other lacks and
together you’re a greater whole. My husband’s an extrovert and
I’m an introvert and it works really well. There are
[conflicts] that these relationships get into again and again.
There’s always the question of: Okay, as a couple, how much are
we gonna’ go out and socialize? How much time does the
introvert get [to themselves] when they come home from a day of
work? But as long as you each understand where the other
person’s coming from and see their needs as legitimate and as a
temperamental preference, not as a sign that something’s wrong
with them or a sign that they don’t care about you, I think the
conflicts can be worked out.
What was the most exciting part of doing the research for this
book?
One really amazing finding is we now know that there are
introverts and extroverts in almost every single species in the
animal kingdom. Like all the way down to the level of fruit
flies! What we know is that each of these two types thrive
better depending on what the circumstances are. It’s also
illuminating because humans are the same way.
When you spoke at TED you said that there’s about to be
dramatic change in terms of the way we think about introverts
and extroverts. What do you think the future will be like for
the American school system and workplace and how they treat
introversion?
I think that we have a lot of work to do. With women’s groups,
a lot of changes happened as a result of consciousness-raising;
I think that’s where we are now with introverts. There are
already a lot of people talking about moving away from constant
group work. Open-office plans in companies are being rethought;
people are starting to want to build in more space for
individual work.
In the book you briefly mentioned that the Internet has changed
the way introverts can connect with people.
The Internet gives introverts a chance to communicate without
even leaving the house and that can be tremendously liberating.
Introverts prefer to communicate in environments that are not
overly stimulating, with a lot of stuff coming at them. So when
you’re sitting in front of your screen that’s an inherently
less stimulating situation. Many introverts say that they feel
like they can express the “real me” online in ways that they
might not be able to do face-to-face.
As someone who identifies as an introvert, do you feel that you
do better communicating like this over the phone, or even over
email, better than you would in person?
No, I like talking to people in person and I think I can
communicate just as well in person. I think it’s probably less
tiring for me in a way. [In person] you’re communicating on
more channels, so it’s not just your words, it’s not just the
expression in your voice; it’s also body language, things like
that. For introverts the key is to preserve your social energy
levels.